the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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