Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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