woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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