he wants to bone in the snuggie
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
