No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
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