Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I didn't notice because vodka
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
