So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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