dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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