The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Quick, to the slutcave!
Fuck appropriateness.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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