oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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