I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
