my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
