bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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