My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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