Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
