Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
