I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
