Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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