hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
