he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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