Only a mothe r could love this liver
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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