there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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