another moral hangover. fuck.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
