Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
