I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
