Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
