White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
