Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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