new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
