8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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