I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
