Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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