Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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