i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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