Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
