you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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