don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
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I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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