So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
