Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
