I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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