it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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