No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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