The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
