Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that