guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
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I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.