Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.