I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's