I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost