you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
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I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.