Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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