We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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