cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?