i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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