I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
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