Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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