I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
