You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would photoshop your dick
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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