I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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