His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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