So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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