Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?