Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first