mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
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he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.