Texts From Last Night

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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.

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  (775): I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK. http://tfl.nu/nxhd
  Replies (4) Good night (694) Bad night (776)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.

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  (847): I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help. http://tfl.nu/0kqr
  Replies (14) Good night (797) Bad night (2896)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.

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  (905): so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever. http://tfl.nu/wzae
  Replies (126) Good night (23345) Bad night (1797)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.

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  (401): They should make Glad Forceflex condoms. http://tfl.nu/qnot
  Replies (12) Good night (5804) Bad night (735)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.

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  (503): I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you (541): I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/6ejs
  Replies (55) Good night (13587) Bad night (960)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears

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  (865): He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears http://tfl.nu/nyec
  Replies (29) Good night (1273) Bad night (8313)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in

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  (202): You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in http://tfl.nu/2mgj
  Replies (5) Good night (2781) Bad night (1148)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.

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  (720): Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated. http://tfl.nu/fo7q
  Replies (4) Good night (1501) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.

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  (817): Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night. http://tfl.nu/bkam
  Replies (7) Good night (2075) Bad night (942)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.

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  (217): While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month. http://tfl.nu/gp1m
  Replies (19) Good night (856) Bad night (4443)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts

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  (314): I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts http://tfl.nu/krja
  Replies (9) Good night (1785) Bad night (583)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."

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  (832): I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung." http://tfl.nu/1h35
  Replies (14) Good night (1788) Bad night (473)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??

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  (304): Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun?? http://tfl.nu/lwzi
  Replies (3) Good night (849) Bad night (452)
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  (212): View more from New York

  It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.

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  (212): It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy. http://tfl.nu/fsqc
  Replies (0) Good night (733) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.

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  (586): Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word. http://tfl.nu/jq00
  Replies (5) Good night (501) Bad night (232)

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