Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
