we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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