Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
