It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
