As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
