who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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