We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
