That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I love having hate sex.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
