The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
