OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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