You're my little dorito
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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