I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
