therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
