He disabled his match.com account in front of me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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