oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Couch. On fire.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
