im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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