these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize